how many night feeds should my child be taking?
I get this question a whole lot! Especially with little ones under 12 months. Parents tell me how often they are feeding their baby overnight and then immediately follow it up with - "is that the right amount?".
You may be asking yourself night after night if they are waking too many times to feed or if it's average for their age. Or even more so you may be asking yourself, were they truly hungry or were they just waking to eat because it's habit, soothing, etc?
The truth is, there's a lot that goes into determining why and how many times your baby wakes per night for a feed (or for anything really).
Nightfeeds By Age
I've got answers for you! To start, here's a guide I shared over on Instagram of how many times on average the kiddos that I work with feed per night by age:
Remember that every baby is different! In the newborn days, babies are going to wake to eat frequently! By 4 months, most little ones I work with are ready to drop down to 1-2 feeds max per night. Then by 6 months, most little ones say sayonara night feeds and consolidate sleep to 11-12 hours straight!
Why Your Little One is Still Feeding Overnight
If you’re reading through this chart and noticing that your baby feeds more than average overnight, here’s three reasons why that might be happening:
Your little one is truly hungry at each feed and still needs X amount of feeds per night! If your pediatrician is telling you to feed your baby a certain amount of times per night, even if it’s considered “above average”, follow that advice first and foremost!! Generally, you’ll know your baby is truly hungry for night feeds when they are awake and actively sucking through the whole feed. If they are only using the feed for help falling back to sleep, they will suck/swallow a little but quickly get drowsy. Regardless, if pediatrician says they need 4 feeds per night at 5 months, you will feed that baby 4 feeds per night and only consider feeding less when they are ready to do so!
Your baby is relaying more on those feeds for help back to sleep vs, to satisfy an actual hunger. Babies come out programmed to feed to sleep, it’s only natural! If you are breastfeeding, in the newborn days, before your baby’s circadian rhythm has developed, babies get melatonin through breastmilk. If you are bottle-feeding, the act of sucking helps to turn on your newborn’s calming reflux, hence relaxing them into sleep. The tricky part is that those habits and need of help to sleep from feeds can continue out of newborn-hood and into babyhood well past when baby is ready and capable of learning how to settle themselves into sleep. Therefore, many little ones continue to wake for night feeds even if they’re not truly hungry, simply for help back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Due to a strong feed to sleep association, your baby will only feed during sleep times, thus they are getting the majority of their calories in overnight and are just not very hungry when feeds are offered during awake times. Which continues the cycle of multiple night feeds. Furthermore, if your baby’s association is very strong, they may even refuse feeds during non-sleep times because they’re like “heck no I don’t want to eat, it’s not time to sleep right now!” They only pair feeds with sleep and will not eat if they are not tired and ready to go down.
When It’s Time To Night wean
Now, I am never a proponent of taking away feeds your baby truly needs for hunger! Nor would I ever encourage you to just decide one night that you are no longer going to offer night feeds. For many kiddos, it’s not that simple and you’ll end up with WAY more tears in the middle of the night unsure of what to do next if not to offer a feed.
Here's a few factors I focus on when working with clients that lead to babies naturally night weaning when they're ready:
Teaching baby independent sleep so they are able to fall back to sleep on their own in the middle of the night if they are not truly hungry (4 months+ only!)
Separating food and sleep so that baby is able to understand food is not only associated with night and nap times
Offering feeds at non-sleep times so that baby gets calories during awake times, and not just overnight
In the newborn days, separating food and sleep should be done gently and with lots of grace. It is totally okay to feed your newborn to sleep and for them to take multiple night feeds per night! It's all about practice in the first three months. So instead of forcing night weaning, you’re going to work on an eat, play, sleep schedule as much as possible and spending just 5-10 minutes in the middle of the night seeing if you can help baby back to sleep without a feed if it’s not their usual time to eat. If baby is not responding to gentle coaching with in a few minutes, feed that newborn!!
Once your baby hits the 4 month mark, we can teach independent sleep and really work on guiding baby to easy, peaceful sleep on their own without the need to feed to sleep! This does not mean rejecting overnight feeds if they are still truly hungry! As you can see above, 1-2 feeds per night is still common for 4-5 month olds, and some babies even hold onto 1 feed per night until closer to 6-12 months.
Rather, teaching your child how to consolidate sleep cycles on their own without the need of a feed to help them to to sleep (or from rocking, shushing, patting, holding, pacifier, etc.) is to eliminate unnecessary night wakings. Starting from 4 months and up, the little ones that I work with are taught on to easily fall asleep all on their own at bedtime, consolidate night sleep to 11-12 hours in their cribs, and take solid, 1-2 hour naps consistently. If they still need a feed overnight per their pediatrician, that’s cool! We’ll work around their needs and discuss how to maximize sleep around the feed.
Don’t just Jump In
Time and time again parents come to me saying that they tried cry-it-out, or they tried the Ferber method only to find themselves in the middle of the night with a screaming baby that they just end up feeding/rocking/holding/helping to sleep because they don’t know what else to do! Many of them chock it up to their kiddo not being ready to learn independent sleep or that sleep coaching will never work for them and they just have to accept exhaustion as their norm.
I am here to tell you that I have worked with many many of those families and we made better sleep possible because we didn’t just rip the band-aid off and say no more night feeds. That’s like throwing your child in the pool and saying figure it out kid!! Instead, we put together and executed on a plan that walked the parents step-by-step in how to know if baby is waking for hunger or help back to sleep and how to respond appropriately so that they weren’t just continuing the same pattern night after night!
If you’d like to chat further about what a plan to consolidate nights, get consistent naps, and overall make easier, better sleep possible for your whole family, schedule a free 15 minute assessment call right HERE!
Or, if you feel ready to jump in with a plan that works and kiss sleepless nights good-bye, check out the Digital Dream Program (4-18 months) or a Custom Consultation (4 months - 5 years) and let’s get you set up for success!
*p.s. ALWAYS make sure your pediatrician is on board before deciding baby no longer needs night feeds!
